3| WHAT is holding you back from finding a solution + WHY everything you're doing isn't working!

I want to shine a light on how the nervous system is the basis and root cause of everything I’m going to branch off and talk about. I want to bring you to my vantage point, so we’re on the same page, and then I can go deeper.

Today I’m going to talk about the beliefs I think we carry and uphold as moms and how they are putting holes in the real solution which is the nervous system. Also why all the things we’re told to do are just band-aids. How nothing will work in the state you're in.  Breakdown the unfun feelings and unfun behaviors aspect to overall healing. 

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Transcript

Episode three. In these first episodes, I want to shine a light on how the nervous system is the basis and root cause of everything. I'm going to branch off and talk about, I wanna bring you to my vantage point, , so we're on the same page, and then I can go deeper. So today I'm going to talk about the beliefs I think we carry as moms and also the things we're told to do.

and why they won't and don't work. The first thing, and it's kind of layered, so stay with me, is our beliefs. This can be, I think, the first barrier or block to even thinking we as moms should be looking or that there is a solution, and that belief I think is. This is our role. This is our number one responsibility and priority.

I can't stop. There is no break, which then gives us an excuse or a justification or explanation. Sure. I feel this way because. I'm being a mom. I'm needed and wanted every second of my life. The minute I think I can breathe, someone is calling me. Someone wants to show me something. Someone just wants to randomly scream.

We can't get out of it. We can't get rid of it. Like usually if something is causing us pain, then we do something to stop it. Or like if we wanna lose weight, you take steps to get rid. But here is where we go a little deeper with that because it's actually the belief again that the answer is outside of you.

So it's more the lack of knowing and trusting and being connected to our intuition and our bodies. We don't know where to look inside for these answers. We just weren't taught. On top of Covid, on top of life being busy and going all the time, and every way our society is set up, we are definitely in a chronic stress state.

There is no question to me that every mom has a nervous system issue. The conditions of being needed and wanted constantly and endlessly. It, it truly is a consistent overwhelm to our system, and we have to know how to strengthen it, how to widen our window of tolerance and build resilience to ever feel good and to be able to help our children through in the same way.

All right. Now I'm going to talk about what you're doing. That's just a Band-Aid, and the thing about band-aids too are they are just more proof of that mom role, belief. They're just another thing for us to figure out. Or there's 10 things and we don't have the time or energy or money to do all of this stuff and not get a real solution and like sooner rather than later or before we're on to the next issue.

Also, if you're getting at, you know what 10 things people are telling you works for them might not work for you. So when it doesn't work, you give up and you settle and you feel worse.  because you think something is wrong with you and you know this is all just dysregulating your system even more. This is really why I am obsessed with the nervous system and why I want you to understand it.

Because not only is it one solution, but it is in your power. You have the control, you have a connection to the answers within you that you don't have to go anywhere else to. So if you want some examples, um, uh, if you Google anxiety or overwhelm or burnout, you'll probably come up with, you know, mindfulness or meditation.

And these are lovely practices, but they are surface level and they only get your mind to a place. In that moment, not in the moments you need them. They are not changing your system to not freak out when your body feels unsafe, or you go to the doctor for what they're going to label as anxiety or depression because they can give you a prescription.

But it's really called nervous system dysregulation. And why aren't they giving you the ways to heal instead of making.  money off your symptom. You can't use a pill to get somewhere. Your system needs to get on its own. Another thing I wanna mention here, when we talk about doctors, even if you're going to a holistic doctor and they say you have adrenal burnout, which is just another name, , another label, and they give you all these supplements, nothing is going to happen.

No healing can take place if your nervous system is stuck. Protection, survival mode. Nothing. You're wasting your time, your money, and your energy because they are just band-aids or even losing weight, like trying every diet or workout program. Like I couldn't get rid of my belly forever because one cortisol is just pumping through your body all day long and I was never in rest Digest mode to heal.

Stop feeling bad.  if you're trying all of these things and nothing is working anywhere, , because you have, you have to get to your nervous system. Okay? The other big thing we hear everywhere is make time for self-care. Put your oxygen mask on first. You can't pour from an empty bucket. . This first of all has to be personal, like really personal, but again, I think I'm coming from a nervous system perspective because it's really about finding cues of safety for yourself, and that's all you need.

To me, the way they set up self-care is more like a break, like go get a pedicure. That's not something that's going to significantly help you long term . It's a distraction to what you really need to be doing.  and that's connecting. My take on self-care is 10 minutes in your body with yourself in silence and stillness, and establishing that every single day.

Showing up for yourself, creating a relationship with yourself. It's so simple and it's just always going back to something we weren't taught and that we were conditioned to look outside of ourselves. . The other thing could be, I don't know, talk therapy. You can't think or talk your way out or through this

You have to meet your body where it is or, um, anything having to do with your mindset, like positive thinking or gratitude lists. Again, these are wonderful, but they're not going to transform your. I was grateful. I was so grateful, but it did not matter how many times I wrote that down. I, I knew how blessed I was and that only made me feel worse because what was wrong with me?

Nothing was at all wrong with my life. It's, it's just how I felt in my body. Um, these are the main things we're told to do, and they are wrong.  because they aren't going to get you to the solution you want. You don't want to keep failing in your eyes and have to search again for what seems to be an unattainable answer.

And so this is where I go back to the belief part where we just form this judgment or decision that, yeah, we're moms and I have four kids and I got four hours of sleep and it's hard and hopefully it gets better. It's like we end up. Dismissing ourselves, ignoring how we really feel in our bodies because nothing is working.

So we just cope and we get by and survive instead of knowing that there is this solution and being able to thrive in our lives and as moms. All right. I know this is gonna, this is going long, but I wanna touch on the unfunded behaviors because this adds an entire other piece to everyth. . Um, first you have your own dysregulation and you don't feel good then because of you, because our kids can literally not be regulated unless we are.

So we are actually the reason for the inconvenient behavior from our kids. And, and this is the part I don't think most of us understand or know about, cuz I didn't like, we want to blame our kids. We want to think it's something we can fix or control. So right there, healing your nervous system is going to help with any issue you're dealing with with your child.

But let's say you think trying to change or control your kid is possible, .  and you read a book about discipline or by a course about conscious parenting, and they give you all these scripts to use when you know your, your kid's having a tantrum. Well, we're gonna go back to that not working and you feeling bad and thinking something more or worse is wrong with you or your child because the nervous system undermines your parenting and all that good.

Goes out the window when your stress response kicks in, and you also can't access the memory part of your brain where those new skills are stored. It didn't matter how much I had prepared in my mind exactly how I wanted to act in that moment, my body was out. I mean, every day I would wake up with the best of intentions, but when your body is done, it's done.

Like I'm shut down. I don't even want to follow.  and then you feel all the guilt like, great, just ruin that. Probably scarred them for life. And, and the worst part for me was I saw how I was ignoring it because in that moment, that's all I could do because I couldn't handle it. And that doesn't help it not happen again.

And I saw my future. I saw that behavior just getting worse. . . It's such a mess when you don't know. But, but now you do. Um, I, I mean, I remember just feeling like, okay, I'm done, . I'm just going to sit here and be a shell of a person until they're 18. I'll just sit here if you need me. I will just be here , because I was just so overwhelmed.

Like, you're being pulled in every direction and energy is coming at you in every direct.  and you feel like you're trying, you're definitely doing your best. So like the only safe thing would be to sit there. . So yeah, those are the beliefs or actions you are taking that are the holes in the real solution, which is the nervous system.

I hope that this episode gave you some validation and some relief because I, I mean, that's just what I'm trying to really get out there because I think this is the missing piece to even looking for a solution. I don't know that moms get it, like we, I did not. That all of this was happening because of my body and not knowing it, and truly not ever having a connection and understanding, like especially through Covid, that we are just from being conditioned in childhood, you know, from however our parents needed to handle things.

And then just throughout life being marketed and everything, like buy this and do. To be this, and this is the only way everything is outside of you. That's where I'm going to end. If you go in the show notes, go to my website, um, the moms farrell.com. There is also a audio video you can watch or listen to that kind of breaks down this even further.

Um, as like the main points. Uh, kind of just go deeper into how our dysregulation is, our children's dysregulation and just like, let's just heal our nervous systems and all be better . All right. Have a great week. Bye.